I've reached the age where friends and family about my age are having kids, too. Sometimes it seems like everyone is expecting! I get so excited when they make their announcements and hit milestones in their pregnancies, but when that due date nears, it seems like all the critics come out of the woodwork, and everyone knows what's "best." No one seems to take into account what the mother wants out of her birth experience, or what she needs to hear, and that goes for their doctors as well as their friends. I see so many women with regrets about their deliveries, whether from unnecessary interventions that they agreed to at the time because their doctor pushed it, being induced and it failing or the baby ending up being born too early or some other complication, ending up with an unwanted c-section, accepting pain medication and wishing they hadn't, or simply not being able to have the birth they want because no hospital or birthing center in their area offers it or their insurance won't cover it. What's even worse is when their friends judge them for their choices simply because they're different choices than they themselves made/would have made. The last thing an anxious, pregnant mama needs is judgement from the very people who should be cheering her on and supporting her decisions, regardless of whether or not they agree with them.
That being said, I do think a lot of hasty decisions are being made by expectant mothers (especially first-timers) who aren't given all the facts by their OB's and/or midwives. Lack of education is ridiculously common, particularly among OB patients, because we're still breaking out of the age of "do whatever your doctor says, even if you have reservations" and into the age of "educate yourself and make your own choices based on what you want and what you think is best, and get a second opinion or find a new doctor if you don't agree with their philosophy." Doctors far too commonly use scare tactics to get women to do what they want, whether it's an induction, a planned c-section, an episiotomy or use of forceps or vacuum, birthing positions, labor augmentation, and so on and so forth. What these doctors seem to forget is that not all women are alike, no two pregnancies are alike, no two babies are alike, and all should have care individually tailored to them instead of being shoved into the same general mode and method of treatment as all other women/pregnancies/babies. Just because something is the way it has "always been done" does not mean it is necessarily the right way.
Something else that the medical community seems to ignore is that childbirth is a deeply personal experience, and it can very easily become traumatic if ill-handled. Labor and delivery aren't like having surgery or some other medical procedure. It's an emotional experience, one that the mother will remember for her entire life, and it's unfair to put her through something traumatic and against her wishes (if it's unnecessary) for the sake of a doctor or hospital's convenience. It's unfair to push her around and not offer her every single option that's out there so that she can choose the birth she wants. It's unfair to tell her it's selfish to want some measure of control over her pregnancy and labor. And it's unfair to tell her she can't have the birth she wants, unless there's a good medical reason behind it. We have to live with our birth experiences forever, and we should have the right to do everything in our power to make sure we remember them with pride and love, and not regret and pain.
It is for these reasons that I want to become a doula. I'll admit, when I first heard about doulas, I thought, "Oh, they must be the hippie-dippie types who only deal with natural, unmedicated home births and think anyone who uses a doctor or goes to a hospital or does anything remotely 'medical' in their pregnancies is bad and wrong." So I did some research, and watched a friend go through the process of becoming a doula, and I was pleasantly surprised to find that that wasn't the case at all! The DONA International website defines a doula thusly:
What is a doula? 
The
word "doula" comes from the ancient Greek meaning "a woman who serves"
and is now used to refer to a trained and experienced professional who
provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the
mother before, during and just after birth; or who provides emotional
and practical support during the postpartum period.Studies have shown that when doulas attend birth, labors are shorter with fewer complications, babies are healthier and they breastfeed more easily.
A Birth Doula
- Recognizes birth as a key experience the mother will remember all her life
- Understands the physiology of birth and the emotional needs of a woman in labor
- Assists the woman in preparing for and carrying out her plans for birth
- Stays with the woman throughout the labor
- Provides emotional support, physical comfort measures and an objective viewpoint, as well as helping the woman get the information she needs to make informed decisions
- Facilitates communication between the laboring woman, her partner and her clinical care providers
- Perceives her role as nurturing and protecting the woman's memory of the birth experience
- Allows the woman's partner to participate at his/her comfort level
As a doula, I want to make sure that all my clients know all the risks and benefits of any procedure or type of birth they are considering so that they can choose what works best for them, and then support them in their choices and help them to achieve their goals realistically.
I, of course, have my own birth philosophy, but that will not stand in the way of my supporting women with different philosophies and desires about their personal birth experiences. I intend to outline my philosophy in a later post, just to get it out there, but I beg everyone to remember that it's just my personal opinion and will have no effect on my impartiality as a doula. I simply think that it's fair to let potential clients know where I stand, so that if they vastly disagree with me and feel they cannot work with me due to my personal feelings, regardless of whether the issue ever comes up, they will know it all up front and be able to make their decision whether or not to invite me into their delivery room. It's important for expectant mothers to have someone they feel comfortable with in the delivery room, and whose philosophy is in harmony with theirs, so they know that their doula is on their side, without reservation, and hasn't tried to convince them to do things her way. Doulas exist to combat that pushiness. All I intend to push is self-education and making informed choices!
So there you have it! That is who I am, where I am coming from, why I want to be a doula, and what I intend to do as a doula! I hope that, if you're not sure if a doula is right for you, that this gave you some good information so that you can make the best decision for you!
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